Yes, I know, loyal reader. Who am I to say what songs should never be played on a jukebox? Granted there are a lot of songs I would never play on a jukebox…like any electronic dance music song. I’m not even talking about that. Here’s the thing. A jukebox is generally in a place where people want to feel good and there are some songs that are sure to bring down the mood of the place. That is why these songs should never be played on a jukebox.
- “Creep” by Radiohead – There is a time and place for everything. The time for this song is 1993 when you’re a college freshman and your fourth girlfriend of the year has just broken up with you.
- Anything by Morrissey or The Smiths – I’m pretty sure no explanation is necessary here. People want to reach for a drink at a bar, not a razor blade.
- “True” by Spandau Ballet – The fact that I have to explain this one is mind-boggling. And, yes, I have been in a place where someone played this song on the jukebox. More than once. My question is: what are you trying to accomplish if you play this on the jukebox? Are you going to start dancing awkwardly with another patron like you’re back at you’re junior high school dance in 1983?
- “A Day in the Life” by The Beatles – Yes, I know just about everybody loves The Beatles. But seriously, if you’re going to play The Fab Four, play something that doesn’t make people want to drown themselves.
- “Hurt” by Johnny Cash – I know this is a cover song. Still, while I love Johnny Cash tunes as much as the next guy, the only reason to play this song on a jukebox is if you are tending bar and you want to clear the place at last call. The only problem is that guys might break their beer bottles and cut themselves before they head to the door.
Loyal reader, that is enough to get you started. Certainly you have your own songs that should never be played on a jukebox. Let us know what song you would remove from the jukebox if you could.