Well, the weekend is upon us and it’s time to forget about that crummy work week. Nothing is better at helping people forget than moonshine, which brings us to part four of our continuing list of great songs about moonshine. In case you missed them, here are:
“Corn Liquor” by Buck Owens – What’s so great about corn liquor? The narrator of this song finds out.
“Corn Liquor” by The Hi-Boys – The intro to this song is classic.
“Moonshiner” by Uncle Tupelo – “If whiskey don’t kill me, I don’t know what will.”
“White Lightning” by Federal Hog – In this bluesy tune, the shiner swears that he is making his last run. As an aside: I don’t know about you, but whenever I think of running moonshine, I think of Thunder Road with Robert Mitchum.
I think this could be a new weekly tradition here at Incognito HQ. After all, it is Sunday, and if I’m going to step into the confessional booth, it should be on a Sunday. Mind you, I’m not asking for forgiveness, but this is a confessional nonetheless.
Bless me, loyal reader. (Not that I’ve sinned.) It has been (mumble mumble) days since my last confession.
I am not a huge fan of Led Zeppelin. I know as a music guy, I should like “one of the greatest rock bands of all time.” Yes, I know the impact Zeppelin has had on rock n roll. Yes, I know the story of rock n roll cannot be written without Plant, Page, and the rest. And yes, I know that the guys are extraordinarily talented. But you know something? The music just doesn’t grab me. That’s the best way I know how to put it. Maybe it’s an over-saturation problem. Maybe the music just doesn’t grab me because I have heard Zeppelin so many times on the radio. That doesn’t hold a lot of water though. I’ve heard AC/DC and Ramones loads of times too and both of those bands still get me moving and singing along. And it’s not just me either. I turn the radio on only because the CD player in my car doesn’t work. When I’m driving around with my four-year-old son (who is a real sound hound) and Led Zeppelin comes on, I’ll ask, “Do you like this one?” I don’t think he’s told me yet that he wants me to keep a Led Zeppelin song on.
I know what you’re thinking. Maybe I just need to listen to one of the first three Zeppelin albums on the right sound system for my mind to truly comprehend the genius of the band. Maybe that’s true, but I doubt it. If a certain band doesn’t grab me, it won’t be very easy to convert me to become a disciple of that band. Not that Zeppelin needs any more disciples. The band has plenty. You can tell me all you want about what a great band this is, but your argument will most likely fall on deaf ears. The best way I can think to describe this is to say that if Led Zeppelin comes on the radio, I’m more likely to change the station than crank the volume. Actually, that’s a pretty good question of the day.
Coachella is this weekend and I have a confession to make. I have never been there. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. How is it that a music writer in southern California has never been to Coachella? Well, I’m glad you asked. Here are the top reasons I’ve never been to this event.
That’s me after about 5 minutes in the desert
It’s in the desert. Yes, I know it’s April and the temperature in the desert isn’t 120 degrees every day (yet), but the desert climate and I get along as well as any two “real housewives.”
The lineup. When I first saw the lineup for this year, I wondered if I had magically been transported back to 1994. Yes, I had The Stone Roses and Blur in my collection at one time, but I don’t to patronize some cheap reunion ploy. Call me a snob if you want, but generally fewer than 10 bands (don’t even get me started on DJs) at Coachella interest me at all. Which leads me to my next point.
I’m not agoraphobic, but…Even if I willingly went to the desert for a weekend to see the 10 (or fewer) bands that interest me, seeing them with a quarter of a million other people doesn’t seem like my idea of a good time.
Looking like this is a requirement for admission to Coachella
I am not a hipster. Technically, I do have a mustache. But then technically, I also have sideburns and a goatee. I’ve never applied wax to my facial hair. I don’t have a beard because it scores me hip points. I have it because I don’t like shaving. Also, I don’t own a scarf. Or a pair of glasses (with or without lenses). Frankly, I think I’d be denied admission to Coachella. And I’d be just fine with that.
The parking, the restrooms, the food, etc. Every year when I read about Coachella in the OC Weekly, I read about how the restrooms and the food and beverages are something less than convenient. I also read a description of what a nightmare it is to get out of the parking lot (Duh! There are a quarter of a million people there!) once this hipsterfest is over. And I should go there…why exactly?
And this just in…a bonus reason why I’ve never been to Coachella.
If you look long and hard enough, you can find some observance on every day of the year. Today just happens to be National Goof-Off Day here in the U.S. And so, loyal reader, what better way to recognize national goof-off day than with five songs that can only be categorized as goofy (and of course I don’t mean that in any derogatory fashion).
Surfin’ Bird by The Trashmen – I know. I’m not exactly going out on a limb here, but this song is two and a half minutes of unadulterated madness. I think no song exemplifies goof-off day better than this one.
“Commando” by Johnny Cakes and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypso – No, it’s not about the Stallone movie. It’s about going commando.
“Hockey Monkey” by The Zambonis – Ummm…the song is called “Hockey Monkey.” If that doesn’t fit in a collection of goofy songs, I don’t know what does.
“Amazing Bigfoot Diet” by Mojo Nixon – Only Mojo Nixon could make an entire song from the headlines of trashy tabloids.
“Because Boobs” by Psychostick – Do I need to say anything else?
St. Patrick’s Day has passed but that doesn’t mean that all of you are done feeling its effects. I’m sure a good number of you loyal readers hit it a little too hard and are now feeling the flipside of the good time you had last night. As with just about anything, there is a song for that. Here are five songs that describe the condition you might be feeling right now.
“Bloody Knuckles and a Hickey” by Low Volts – This song doesn’t dwell on the drinking aspect (“should have stuck with just one beer”), but it sure is a good “morning after” song that describes not knowing how he ended up in his bed and “jackhammers in my head.” For all of you experiencing the jackhammers this morning, this one’s for you.
“Hungover” by The Hung Ups – This song describes pretty much every hangover experience.
“The Hungover Lowdown Beat Up Burnt Out Blues” by D.B. Rouse – Again, this is a pretty good description of the hangover experience, especially the line about “dead soldiers.”
“Hungover Together” by Supersuckers – This describes not only the dreaded feeling when you wake up, but also having to deal with that feeling when you have to get ready for work as I’m sure some of you dealt with this morning.
“Hangover from Hell” by Ride the Wombat – What makes a great hangover song? Well, like previous songs in the list it might sound somewhat familiar. Maybe you (or your friends) haven’t experienced everything in this song, but some of it will probably ring a bell or two.
Yes, I know, loyal reader. Who am I to say what songs should never be played on a jukebox? Granted there are a lot of songs I would never play on a jukebox…like any electronic dance music song. I’m not even talking about that. Here’s the thing. A jukebox is generally in a place where people want to feel good and there are some songs that are sure to bring down the mood of the place. That is why these songs should never be played on a jukebox.
“Creep” by Radiohead – There is a time and place for everything. The time for this song is 1993 when you’re a college freshman and your fourth girlfriend of the year has just broken up with you.
Anything by Morrissey or The Smiths – I’m pretty sure no explanation is necessary here. People want to reach for a drink at a bar, not a razor blade.
“True” by Spandau Ballet – The fact that I have to explain this one is mind-boggling. And, yes, I have been in a place where someone played this song on the jukebox. More than once. My question is: what are you trying to accomplish if you play this on the jukebox? Are you going to start dancing awkwardly with another patron like you’re back at you’re junior high school dance in 1983?
“A Day in the Life” by The Beatles – Yes, I know just about everybody loves The Beatles. But seriously, if you’re going to play The Fab Four, play something that doesn’t make people want to drown themselves.
“Hurt” by Johnny Cash – I know this is a cover song. Still, while I love Johnny Cash tunes as much as the next guy, the only reason to play this song on a jukebox is if you are tending bar and you want to clear the place at last call. The only problem is that guys might break their beer bottles and cut themselves before they head to the door.
Loyal reader, that is enough to get you started. Certainly you have your own songs that should never be played on a jukebox. Let us know what song you would remove from the jukebox if you could.
Well, it’s Presidents’ Day here in the U.S. and I started thinking about songs written about specific presidents rather than songs that just have the word president in the title. The list (hardly comprehensive) is available on Examiner and I invite you to check it out there. Feel free to add your own favorite songs about presidents.
Maybe you’re still basking in the afterglow of another Valentine’s Day. That’s great. Or maybe you’re like me and you’re glad another one has passed…not that you took any time to recognize it. Unless you mean recognizing as patently absurd. And what else can you call it when a bunch of executives insist that you be romantic…because they say so? In any case, here are some non-traditional songs about love regardless of which side of the Valentine’s Day divide you fall on.
“Not as Much as Football” by Mojo Nixon – In this tune, Mojo professes that he loves his woman…just not as much as football.
“Dirty Love” by Frank Zappa – No one says love has to be all chocolate and flowers. Sometimes love means “dragon lotion.”
“I Love You Beer” by Poxy Boggards – Now, this is a romantic tune.
“30 Minute Love” by The Terrorists – So technically, this song isn’t about love, but it’s a fine song.
“Sex in the Morning” by Soul of the River – Hey, what’s more romantic than wakeup sex?