Posts Tagged ‘Analyze This’

Analyze this: Girlfriend in a Coma by The Smiths

Posted: March 4, 2013 in Opinion
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It’s time once again for Analyze this. If you’re just joining us, this is where your humble narrator interjects his own parenthetical responses into a once-popular song. In this edition, I look at “Girlfriend in a Coma” by The Smiths.

Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s serious (You figured that out all by yourself, did you?)
Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s really serious (This just in. Yes, comas are really serious.)

There were times when I could
Have murdered her (I’m sorry?)
But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her (You mean, aside from the murder you’ve envisioned?)

No, I don’t want to see her. (Actually, nobody asked.)

Do you really think
She’ll pull through? (I can’t rule it out.)
Do you really think
She’ll pull through?  (Are you asking me to put odds on it? Do you have a bet going with your friends?)
Do… (Ummm…nice sentence. Very brief. Can we get more of those from you?)

Girlfriend in a coma, I know
I know – it’s serious (Boy, is this your first day on earth or something? I’m about ready to slap the taste out of your mouth.)
My, my, my, my, my, my baby, goodbye (Ummmm, why did you ask if she’ll pull through if you’ve already decided to say your goodbye?)

There were times when I could
Have strangled her (I’m sure that feeling was mutual.)
But you know, I would hate
Anything to happen to her (Riiiiiight!)
Would you please let me see her? (Only if a cop cuffs you and stands right next to you.)

Hey pal, are those flowers for your girlfriend in a coma?

Hey pal, are those flowers for your girlfriend in a coma?

Do you really think
She’ll pull through? (Son, I think I already answered this question. Heck, you did too. You know, when you said goodbye to your baby…about a minute ago.)
Do you really think
She’ll pull through? (You listen as well as my wife.)
Do… (Again, great sentence. You’re very well-spoken.)
Let me whisper my last goodbyes (Let me guess…you’re going to whisper your last goodbyes with a pillow over her face? I don’t think so, pal. Maybe you could write your last goodbyes on a napkin or something and I’ll make sure she gets it.) 

I know it’s serious.

Analyze this: “Fly” by Sugar Ray

Posted: January 21, 2013 in Opinion
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What are you blathering about?

What are you blathering about?

It’s time once again for Analyze This. No, it’s not the Deniro movie. It’s where I take a (once) popular song and analyze the meaning of it by interjecting my own parenthetical thoughts. In this edition, I break down “Fly” By Sugar Ray.

All around the world statues crumble for me (Ummm, dude if statues crumble when you’re around, you might want to mix in a salad.)

Who knows how long I’ve loved you (What does this have to do with statues? And if anyone should have some vague idea of how long you’ve loved someone, I’d think it’s you.)

Everywhere I go people stop and they see / twenty-five years old / my mother god rest her soul. (Everywhere you go, people see that you’re 25 years old? What does your mother have to do with this?)

I just wanna fly / put your arms around me baby (Did something shiny come into the room when you were writing this?)

Dance a little stranger (You mean like Mac on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia…with the elbows?)

Show me where you’ve been (Like I’m supposed to take pictures of every place I go during the day?)

Love can make you hostage / wanna do it again (Most people who are hostages would rather not do it again.)

There’s no time to think about the starting or the end (Is it possible for you to string together two related thoughts?)

We’ll find out I’m told / my mother she told me so (Find out what? What on earth you’re blathering about?)

I just wanna fly (The window’s right there.)

Put your arms around me baby (Hmmmm no!)

 

Analyze this: “Glycerine” by Bush

Posted: December 15, 2012 in Opinion
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That’s right, loyal reader, it’s time for another edition of Analyze This, in which your humble narrator breaks down a popular song (or at least was popular at one time). In this edition, I play the role of the subject of this song and break down “Glycerine” by Bush by interjecting my parenthetical comments.

It must be your skin I’m sinking in (Are you saying I’m fat?)

It must be for real cuz now I can feel (Have you been doped up and numb the entire time I’ve known you?)

I didn’t mind / it’s not my kind / it’s not my time to wonder why (Huh?)

Everything’s gone white / everything’s gray (What are you tripping on?)

now you’re here / now you’re away (Yes, it’s called a job. I go there in the morning. I return in the evening.)

I don’t want this (What? The Thai food?)

Remember that / I’ll never forget where you’re at. (Yes. That job thing I just mentioned.)

Don’t let the days go by

Could have been easier on you / I couldn’t change though I wanted to (Ah yes. The excuse of miscreants everywhere.)

Could have been easier by three: our old friend fear, and you, and me. (Huh?)

Glycerine (What’s my soap got to do with any of this?)

I’m never alone / I’m alone all the time (Which is it?)

Are you at one / or do you lie (Do I lie about being at one? With what?)

We live in a wheel (No, it’s a flat.)

Where everyone steals (Did you find my cash again?)

And when we rise it’s like strawberry fields. (Sorry, but when we rise, your morning breath is not like strawberry fields.)

I treated you bad / you bruised my face (There ought to be a lesson in that.)

Couldn’t love you more / you got a beautiful taste (My taste? That’s the thing you love about me?)

Don’t let the days go by (Yes, you mentioned that.)

Bad moon white again (The f— are you talking about?)

As she falls around me (Who’s this drunk chick that’s falling around you?)

I needed you more when you wanted us less (Typical.)

I could not kiss just regress (Have another beer, dude.)

It might just be clear, simple, and plain / that’s just fine / that’s just one of my names (What’s one of your names? Regress? Clear? Simple? Plain? Those are pretty odd names.)

Don’t let the days go by / could have been easier on you (All right. I’m outta here.)

Glycerine (And leave my soap alone! Freak!)