Tag Archives: Justin Bieber

Funny Sunday: Arse Full of Chips

Funny? Offensive? Yes.

Funny? Offensive? Yes.

I know, loyal reader, you’ve come here expecting Surf Music Sunday. Yes, we still love surf music, but we’re trying something different. If you’d like me to go back to Surf Music Sunday, by all means let me know. In the meantime, I’m going to try Funny Sunday. Basically, I’m going to look for music in any genre that could also be filed under comedy.

Our first featured artist is Arse Full of Chips. Obviously you can tell this band doesn’t take itself too seriously just by seeing or hearing the name. What really captured me with this band is the song “Top of the Plops.” The story of this song is that silly pop music television contests have ruined music. And frankly, it’s hard to argue with that. Along the way, it calls out Justin Bieber, One Direction, and lots of other folks responsible for the sorry state of pop music. This song is full of great lines so I won’t write all of them, but I will give you this one.

“What happened to the music?

You’ve got a guitar, so why don’t you use it?”

This band doesn’t just skewer pop music. It also rails against movies. In “Schindler vs Predator” the band laments the complete lack of originality in movies and basically wonders how it could get worse. Bieber or The Rock in the next Star Wars? Daniel Craig in the new Naked Gun? Miley Cyrus in Mary Poppins 3? Hey, you have to give this band credit. In this song, these guys manage to show us that no matter how bad movies are, it could be worse.

I feel it only fair to warn you, loyal reader, that if you are easily offended, you should definitely skip “Trapped in the Cellar.”

Related:

Justin Bieber vomits on stage (The Onion)

Jake Bugg v One Direction: Celebrity Face-off

Rock and roll can never die

Admittedly, this is a bit heavier than what I normally write, but your humble narrator had some strings floatin’ around in his head that he needed to address.

“What the hell ever happened to that real music? The stuff that’s coming out right now is gonna kill music.” That is a line from the song “Atilla” by Demon Waffle. I really like the band, but I have to respectfully disagree. It doesn’t matter who those lines were written about. The song does mention Black Eyed Peas, and it certainly seems like that group is doing what it can to kill music. But here’s the thing. People have been saying that music has been dying for decades. We’ve seen Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga before (especially Lady Gaga…when her name was Madonna) and guess what. They didn’t kill music. They can’t.

This guy (on the right) knows what rock n roll is.

This guy (on the right) knows what rock n roll is.

You see, rock and roll isn’t a genre. It’s a spirit. And even the most soulless, mind-crushing, corporate music can’t kill the spirit of rock and roll. Why? Well, allow me to quote Mojo Nixon, “there will always be a 13-year-old kid who wants to masturbate on the playground and sing some song he shouldn’t be singing.” Say what you want about the notion of a 13-year-old kid masturbating on the playground, but the truth is if you see something like that you know that particular teenager has the rock and roll in his soul. “Artists” like the aforementioned Bieber and Gaga don’t have any rock and roll in their soul. What they have is a lot of money. And why? Because if they ever did have any rock and roll in their respective souls (which is doubtful), they sold it to the middle-aged white guys that write their checks. They get money because they look good on billboards and the sides of buses, not because their music is any good. Trust me, I’ve interviewed enough musicians to know that a lot of them might envy the money made by the music acts that are corporate shills, but they would never sign on for it. That’s the spirit of rock and roll, Jack. Eating crappy food, swilling cheap beer, and playing in dark basement clubs in places like Wichita on a Tuesday afternoon.

This guy does not

This guy does not

And let’s face it. We used to be stuck with the crap on the radio. But there has never been a better time for exploring music that was not fabricated by middle-aged white dudes. We have podcasts that play good music you won’t find elsewhere. We have sites like Bandcamp, which is really an invaluable resource for people that like to discover new music. (Seriously, go to the site and enter a genre (or even an instrument) you like and explore the acts that appear as a result of your search.) So do this, loyal reader. As 2012 comes to an end, resolve to make 2013 the year you leave all corporate music behind and support real artists with rock and roll in their respective souls.