Yes, loyal reader, I’ll admit that I am one of those guys. At least some folks routinely make fun of me for my lack of movie knowledge. You can quiz me about any movie in the last five years or so, and frankly, if I’ve heard of it, that’s a win for me. I haven’t always been this way. I used to love going to the movies. Now, I generally don’t even rent them from Redbox to watch in the comfort of my own home. So what changed? Well, here are some of the reasons I don’t watch more movies.
- A two-hour (or more) block of time is as rare as a Yeti sighting on my couch. I’m not alone in this. Lots
Have you seen this creature…on my couch?
of parents don’t have blocks of time to squeeze in a movie. Now, I could stay up later than usual some night and watch a movie, but I already sleep about 5.5 hours a night and then I go to a job where on most days it takes a Guayaki energy shot to keep me from falling asleep on my keyboard. I guess the other possibility is that I could watch about 30 minutes a night over the course of four nights.
- When the lights go down… I’ll just say it for the record. If you put me in a dark room without my sons, chances are pretty good I’m going to fall asleep. The first five minutes might be the only chance the filmmaker has to grab my attention.
- When does this thing end? I have been to the cinema exactly twice in the past five years. In both instances, I wondered when the movie was going to end…for different reasons. When I saw The Dark Knight, I was wondering when it would end because the movie is soooo long. Then last year, I did a guest blogger spot on 3guys1movie and the film we saw and reviewed was Martha Marcy May Marlene. It’s not an incredibly long film, but I regularly checked the time on my phone because I kept waiting (and waiting) for something interesting to happen. By the way, I’m still waiting for something interesting from that film.
- I paid $13 for that? I’m not alone in thinking that $13 seems like a lot to pay for a couple hours of entertainment. Although a movie is still way cheaper than any professional sporting event except baseball. The real trouble, however, is that when I do go to a movie, I often end up with more questions than answers. Look, maybe I don’t need all the answers. Maybe that’s part of the magic of movies. However, if I lay $13 down on a movie, is it too much to ask that the filmmaker answer some of my questions? So why not just wait and see it as a rental? I guess that’s because I rarely feel like I need to see a movie.
Alien drone: “Boss, you may want to rethink invading a planet that’s covered with the thing that kills us.”
Boss: “Silence!”I can suspend my disbelief but not kill it. I know part of the magic of movies is that you realize you’re watching a story unfold. Not everything in it has to be believable. The trouble is that too many Hollywood folks put way too much stock in that. I know it was a while ago, but the movie Signs is a good example. So, these aliens are advanced enough to build ships to come from their world to ours. But…no alien in the development of this project said, “Boss, this planet you want to invade? Yeah, the thing is, most of that planet is covered with the thing that kills us.” Think about that. Excellent design, but no common sense. Shyamalan is basically asking us to accept that earth was overtaken by a bunch of engineers. Oh, and the fact that these aliens are completely stymied by plywood on the windows and doors. To quote Lisa Simpson, “You can’t expect us to swallow that tripe?”
Yeah, I don’t see a lot of movies. You could easily stump me on the topic. That being said, I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I will go to the movies with you…if I can bring my pillow.
